1. Take your time choosing

When you start a new school/college, there’s a lot of pressure to ‘make friends’ straightaway. I’ve heard that statistically, you’re 90% likely to make friends with the first person you sit next to in a new school. This doesn’t make me think, ‘oh wow, how lucky that 90% of us instantly sit next to a BFF,’ it makes me think that some people must surely settle with the first person they meet. With all the pressure and fear that surrounds entering a new place it’s totally understandable, but try to talk to as many people as possible; you want to make sure you’re making the right lifelong friends.

2. Be brave about switching groups

If you do end up feeling you’ve chosen the wrong friends somewhere down the line, it can feel an awful and impossible task to change them. After starting school in Year 7, I didn’t find the right friendship group for me until I was in Year 9. That is two whole years of shifting groups. It involved a lot of guilt (about leaving people behind who were perfectly nice, I just didn’t feel the ‘chemistry’ with), a lot of nastiness (when I’d accidentally fallen in with some very mean girls) and a lot of loneliness (during shifts, and from hanging out with people I didn’t really click with). I began to think the problem was me; that friends who were right for me didn’t exist. Then I tried moving on one last time, and bam! I found girls who were lovely, clever, fun and just the right amount of dorky for me.

3. Remember school friendships are intense

In a way, friendships when you’re at school are unlike any other, because school is such a big part of your life. You might walk into school with your friends, sit next to them all day, walk back together and hang out together in the evening to watch TV or do homework together. You might even hang out on weekends and in the summer holidays, too. As a teenager you don’t realise it, but THAT IS A LOT. It’s natural that sometimes you’re going to get on each other’s nerves and fall out. It’s unavoidable that things will get blown out of proportion. Arguments will happen, so try not to blow the thing that got blown out of proportion, out of proportion…if you see what I mean. The storm will pass and if your friends are good friends, you’ll resolve problems between you.

4. Communicate

You won’t resolve problems without talking to each other (calmly) about what’s gone wrong and how to change it in future. It took me a long time to discover this and this actually isn’t just a tip for school friendships; once I learnt it, I carried it into my friendships for the rest of my life.

5. If BFFs don’t happen at school, don’t beat yourself up

For some people finding amazing friendships happens as soon as they join a new school, for some (like me) it takes time, and for others it happens at university or during their adult life. If it’s not happening don’t place blame on yourself; it’s not you, it’s just that you haven’t found ‘your people’ yet. If your people aren’t at school that’s ok – they might be outside it; on your street, at an after-school club, or on Twitter! Keep looking and trying, because they are out there.

Chloe Seager grew up in East London with her Mum and much-loved cat, Katie. She studied English Literature and Drama at the University of East Anglia, where she sadly realised she couldn’t act, but did rediscover her love of children’s books. Children’s Literature was one of her favourite modules, and it made her wonder why grown-ups ever stopped reading them. She now works with them full-time as a YA/Children’s literary agent at Diane Banks Associates, and lives back in East London with her boyfriend and pet fish. Editing Emma is her first novel.

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